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From fairy tale to nightmare: a GBV survivor’s story

Like many other South African women, Mpho Pharasi’s story started out as a fairy tale. Swept off her feet by her Prince Charming, she thought she would live happily ever after. She could have not guessed that her husband will one day turn into an abusive partner.

“When the mine I worked for closed in 2016, I was not worried because I knew my husband will care of me.. With the severance package money, life was good, with expensive restaurants and holidays. But when the provident fund paid out, the fights began,” recalls Mpho.

When Mpho and her husband did not agree on how to use the provident fund pay-out, it didn’t take long for the first fist to be thrown, followed by many more attacks. Mpho’s husband would accuse her of dressing up for the pastors when she went to church, and would sniff her when she came back from the mall to see if she was with another man. When Mpho started to fight back the abuse by getting a protection order against him, he threatened to divorce her.

A year after the protection order against her husband was granted, Mpho found out he had secretly divorced her. “But I did not mind, because I was free at last. I’m happy and I’ve learnt to choose myself above all else. Most importantly, I’ve learnt to stop seeking validation from others, because if I didn’t know that what was done to me was wrong, I would not have known to seek right,” said Mpho.

Mpho’s experience is all too common in South Africa, where gender-based violence (GBV) kills around seven women a day, says Marcel Korth, who coordinates Anglo American’s GBV and Living with Dignity programme - and the only way to address the scourge is by directly addressing the underlying issues, values and behaviours that lead to violence in the first place.

“One of the key reasons for ongoing GBV is our collective failure to truly understand underlying issues. As a result, much of the communication focuses on STOP messaging and help for the victims. Changing the future of GBV means we have to look beneath the surface to change attitudes, beliefs and behaviours,” said Korth.

In patriarchal societies, providing an income for the family is often considered the ultimate role for a man. As a result, boys’ and young men’s image of what it means to be a man is frequently linked to power and exerting control over the household. This behaviour often leads to a view that the use of violence is a legitimate means to exercise this power.

Mpho is one of the voices of Anglo American’s recently launched anti-GBV campaign, ‘I’mpossible’, which encourages people to be brave, strong, fearless and speak out on sexual harassment and GBV. The campaign aims to engage perpetrators, victims and communities alike to drive a greater understanding of why GBV happens, and change behaviour. For those in difficult situations, it aims to help them find the strength to speak up and support to take the necessary steps.

The launch of the campaign coincided with second anniversary of Anglo American’s the Living with Dignity intervention, which uses a range of interventions to eliminate harassment and gender-based violence at work, and prevent violence against women in children in homes, schools and mining communities.

The programme has seen Anglo American entering partnerships with organisations like the Sexual Violence Research Initiative (SVRI), National Shelter Movement, Business Fights Poverty to support the fight against GBV and to provide shelters for victims in its mining communities.

“By telling their stories, survivors like Mpho are letting others know that it’s possible to overcome both the trauma of domestic violence and the injustice of a patriarchal system which often believes and supports the men. Such stories are there to encourage victim of abuse that there is always a way out,” said Korth.

For Korth, and Anglo American, the fight against GBV continues. “We believe we will have succeeded in our work when people within the organisation and in our communities are more personally enlightened and engaged with GBV; more likely to demand dignity and respect for themselves and others; and better equipped to address distress and conflict, in the workplace, at home and in their communities,” said Korth.